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I used to work at a shopping mall. Go to it. Every. Fucking. Day. So I started taking pictures and blasting them on facebook with some caption of hate. Now this could be described as Instagram.

I change my Netflix name EVERY TIME I get a new movie. I’ve been doing it since 2006. These are the standouts.

I was using Facebook to display these images previously. I’m fixing it as soon as I can. two down, two more to go.

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I stumbled upon yearbookyourself.com a while back and JUST so happened to have a few pictures of myself making goofy faces with lipstick up to my nose. I go through all the decades...

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Emily Razi

23 hours ago via TopFuckinSecret

But I am not on facebook, people. I absolutely refuse. You wanna see what’s up with me? Come to the site dedicated to me. I don’t care about that cat who haz cheezburger, I don’t want to see 80 pictures from a 2 hour night where everyone’s doing the peace sign and frankly, those red notifications are unnerving and give me anxiety and its never anyone I was hoping I would be notified for. I’ll work around $FB to save my sanity. No need to tell me your reasons for having one. However my reasons can be seen right HERE

Ida Phukter

Well, I only use Facebook to promote my shows and stuff.

22 hours ago via something annoying

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People totally read my status updates and when they see me post “Hey guys, i’ll be at the improv tonight” I get a million comments and people inundating my wall with things like “I totally saw your post, actually I see every one of your posts because Facebook really helps your career in that way.” You know if I wasn’t doing comedy I wouldn’t have a Facebook. You need it for comedy.

Alright. It’s blog time. Or semi-blog. It’s my first entry...Got about 3 hours of sleep because I woke up at like 4am with a nasty stomach attack. Been up ever since. It’s now 9:30. Anyway, in that time I watched Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars and...Wait for it...THE SEASON PREMIERE OF BACHELOR PAD! Seriously. I didn’t even know they were DOING another season. So I guess I do owe something to this stomach ache. But okay I really think Hulu is getting OUT OF CONTROL with their ads, don’t you? First off, it used to be ONE ad, now its 3? But this is my favorite: Tweet Ad? Really? Is that something people like...do? No. It isn’t. No one, EVER, has saw an ad while streaming and thought “OH MY GOD I have
to tweet this to Jessica, she is gonna SHIT when she finds out there’s a new ADHD medicine!” Sure Hulu, keep telling yourself your marketing strategies are working. You know i’m an avid pusher of the “Is this ad relevant to you” button.

But the best instance of Hulu advertising I think is when the ad just won’t load for some reason and they give me this:

 
This is NEVER a problem, Hulu, why are you apologizing for things that don’t need an apology? An entire 55 seconds of silence. Ahh...Just the relaxing moment of zen I needed. It’d be a whole 90 seconds if I picked the “longer ad experience.” Yeah that’s another one. “Choose your ad experience” I just pick the one that sounds least awful. And last rant about Hulu, but as if they don’t harass me enough with their ads, they pull this shit on me
. I don’t use a cell phone. I don’t drive a car. I DON’T MAKE DECISIONS IN THE HOUSEHOLD. See how it says Survey 1 of 1 over there in the top left? Well soon enough that number is gonna rise and rise until you’re takin 8 surveys to watch a 30 second clip on some actresses wardrobe malfunction. There seems to be a lot of those on Hulu and the press seems to only have that ONE photo of the incident so they Ken Burns the shit out of it until your vomiting from motion sickness.

Alright, i’m sorry about the rant, it’s just gettin ridiculous! Like I said I watched the premiere of Bachelor Pad and i’m not gonna get too much into what I thought because HOLY HELL what a SHITSHOW! Can always count on Bachelor Pad for copious amounts of absurdity. Anyway, on there was a gal named Paige (RIP) totally sucks because she was my fave. And I DON’T say fave. So I must mean it if I say it. At any rate, she is a mix between Erin from The Office and

Natalie Portman, thus she is a
“Poor Man’s Natalie Portman.”
Actually more like Middle-Class man’s Natalie Portman. She does look a lot like her. Such a bummer she had to go . Over ERICA that walking bag of botox and silicone. However, Erica if you’re reading this, i’m a fan because you are into astrology. What are you a Gemini? Yeah i’m goin with that. Okay and last thought about Bachelor Pad is that there’s a gal on there named Blakeley. Okay now, call me crazy but doesn’t that sound like what Blake Lively’s tabloid name would be if she were in an asexual relationship with herself? I don’t know...Blakeley. Doesn’t sit well. Speaking of sit well. My stomach needs some baking soda. I may blog later, this is kind of fun, but for now I gotta start planning for my set tonight which will be dedicated to Paige aka Middle-Class Man’s Natalie Portman.
 

THURSDAY JULY 26TH, 9:30AM - Hulu, A Stomach Ache and Blake Lively’s New Beau

BLOGGISH?

ENTRY #2 COMING WHEN I’M NOT SO EXHAUSTED BECAUSE OF THIS JOB WHERE AFTER THE BILLS I DON’T EVEN GET A GOD DAMN ¢1 TO MYSELF. I’M NOT A SINGLE MOTHER, THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

and of course--

COMING SOON...

More humorous images.

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UNDER
CONSTRUCTION
I’ll do it EVENTUALLY...

I have thousands and thousands of screenshots of moments that are funny with a caption. Now there’s twitter, but Picture 1, Picture 2...Has been building in a folder for nearly a decade

**certain things obviously not everything was made by me like the picture of that senator or what have you, but everything else, you get what i’m saying is © Emily Razi youcanspellthis.com 2010-2012

Well as we’re all aware, Lana Parrilla is a babe...And if I knew how to make a gif out of this. I so would. But for now all I know how to do is a graphic. Seriously, was I the only one who thought this during the “Manhattan” episode of Once? It’s HILARIOUS! Regina’s all tough as nails using the telekinesis and I could not help but think that was the most coveted community chest card [aside from “2nd Place in a Beauty Contest”] of course--The great, “Get Out Of Jail Free Card.” The image needed this caption to display my thoughts. So behold, my first would-be “gif”

Recently, I had the privilege of attending the annual Purple Appreciation Gala in the ol’ Cornhusker State of Nebraska. I was flown out by Taylor Swift to take her place at the Gala, as she is...Purple’s biggest supporter, despite the inopportune title of her 2012 album “Red”. At the gala, I just so happened to run into our good friend Mandy Drury of CNBC. She was my gala bud the whole night, we were even seated at the same table, right up front! I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, I was using Taylor’s tickets.

Monopoly Fan

PAG: 2013

Not On $FB

@youcanspellthis